Almost Christmas...Bah Humbug Day!

The day started out okay, although early. My little sunshine, Natalie has had a rough week. She has been so congested that she can hardly breathe. Several times over the past week, I have had to hold her upright while she sleeps. Okay, so I have really enjoyed that part but the sleepless nights are starting to take their toll. Yesterday, she screamed blood curdling screams when I tried to put her down for her late afternoon nap. I called the nurse at the pediatrician's office. She suspected fluid in her ears and suggested I bring her in first thing this morning. I gathered us all up at 7:45 this morning...no easy feat these days...and off we went to Savannah. Natalie fell asleep before we left the end of our street. This was good!

At the office, the Nurse Practitioner declared everything fine. Probably just a cold but nothing in her ears and not RSV. This was terrific news but I still know that Natalie is not feeling well. She is a little more cuddly than normal and wants to nurse often. Despite this, we head over to the mall. They have a wonderful Santa there. Authentic. He is there every year so our pictures are consistent. It has been a big question of whether or not to do the Santa thing with the kids but we decided to go ahead with it. Many of our friends don't do it because they don't want to have the kids think that if Santa isn't real then Jesus isn't real. Both of us love Christmas and haven't been traumatized by the Santa experience. We will certainly explain a little more each year but for this year, we are going to just see how it goes. I do think we are going to have a birthday cake for Jesus though. But I digress.

Because of finances, we haven't had formal pictures of Natalie taken. Many of my friends and family haven't even see her. I was the obsessive Mom today trying to get the pictures just right. The individual ones shown here are great and I was pleased. The one with the two of them together was just okay. I have decided that it might be impossible to get more than one child in a picture to all be smiling AND looking at the camera at the same time. If you do see one, it has to be edited. By the time we finished, there was a line behind me and I am quite sure they were thinking I was some kind of nut. I will probably never see them again so I guess I don't care...much.

After the pictures, the day kind of went downhill from there. We stopped for Mackenzie to play in the children's area and I decided to nurse. The congested nose means that Natalie was having a hard time nursing and she decided to let all 16 people in the play area AND half the mall know she was pretty ticked about it. She wailed while everyone watched. While I don't mind nursing in public, I do try to be somewhat discreet. That is almost impossible when you have a thrashing, screaming baby in your arms. I am pretty positive that about 10% of Savannah saw my breast today. Gotta love that! Again, I will probably never see them again so I don't care...much.

In the midst of the screaming, thrashing baby, Mackenzie comes running over to me and asks if I have a pull-up for her. While there was a time she would have a bowel movement in the toilet, it has passed and she has decided that the best method is to torture her mother by having a complete explosion in a diaper. I can't even begin to tell you the times I gag trying to get it changed. UGH! In her defense, part of the reason we reverted back to diapers for BM's is because for the longest time, we had constipation issues. It was agonizing to watch her go through the pain of not being able to go and then finally having to give her an enema because she couldn't (So, as I type this, I am realizing that changing a diaper isn't as bad as giving an enema so it could be worse.). At home, she goes and gets her own diaper and then just tells me when she is finished. At least we don't have dirty pants issues. That would be worse! When she started her Mom's Morning Out in October, I attended an Open House and several of the Mom's said their child had this issue. That did help me realize that it was common and normal. Okay. I digress again.

Screaming, thrashing child. Three year old that needs a diaper. Savannah catching glimpes of my chest as I am trying to fix it all. What fun we are having. My "solution" is to head to the van. I can give Mackenzie her diaper and feed Natalie there in peace. Doesn't that sound good? I tossed both girls in the stroller and headed for the door, with Natalie screaming the entire way. Smile! Smile! Smile! Everyone around you understands, right? We make it to the van, get the diaper on and settle down to nurse. NOT! At this point, Natalie is on the verge of hysteria and I can't get her calmed down. Like all good Mom's, I screamed at Mackenzie for something stupid. The entire 15 minutes of waiting for Mackenzie to totally stink up the van is accompanied by blood curdling screams. All the while, there are 3 police officers standing across the parking aisle from our van watching us. Although it was cold outside, I had to periodically open the van door to actually get air and not aphixiate the three of us with the diaper issue. Are we having fun yet?

Then...I remember. I had purchased some personalized Christmas ornaments in the mall and was supposed to go back and pick them up. I get out of the van, change the diaper, open the tailgate and unfold the stroller, load the underwearless child and the screaming baby back into the stroller, smile at the 3 nice police officers and head back into the mall while all the heads around me turn to see what is making such a ruckess. I am not sure if it was the blast of cold air or the bright sun but within a few minutes, Natalie calmed down...for 20 seconds. Then, she screamed louder. I got the ornaments, went back to the car and prayed. I couldn't do this by myself. I finally prayed and asked God to calm me down and help our situation. Why does it take so long to remember to do that?

It took a few more minutes but Natalie finally latched on and nursed. All the crying had exhuasted her and she fell asleep quickly. I apologized to Mackenzie for losing my temper, buckled her in and we were on our way back home. I will spare you the details but 4 messes later (an entire salt shaker, green jello spit on the floor, a whole bottle of water on the coffee table (so she could play in it) and something else which I can't even remember within one hour just about sent me to the moon again. Not to mention, my annual cookie party is 3 days away and I don't have a Christmas tree or a single decoration up. I am starting to feel stressed.

As I am typing this, I can hear Natalie in the baby monitor shaking a doll with bells inside. It sounds a lot like Jingle Bells. Even she is in the Christmas spirit. Once again, I need to learn something from my 5 month old!

Halloween 2007

Aren't these the cutest Mermaids you have ever seen?


God knows the heart of our children. We live in a small neighborhood and know all of the neighbors so I had planned to let Mackenzie go trick or treating this year. However, with finances being tight, I thought we could use one of the many princess outfits we have. We had a giraffe that we were going to use last year but in the move in got misplaced. This year, I found it but it was too small. Stay tuned because I am sure Natalie will "want" to be a giraffe in a year or two. Anyway...

Last week, Mackenzie and I took a trip to the grocery store. I really don't enjoy this part of my domestic management job so we stopped to treat ourselves to a double chocolate chip cream frappacino at the Starbucks inside Kroger. After all, we might as well enjoy the shopping experience, right? The clerk actually came all the way around the counter to hand Mackenzie her drink and asked her what she was going to be for Halloween. We have TONS of magazines that came in the mail with all kinds of costumes. Mackenzie has been scouring them for the last month with a different choice each day. I listened with great curiousity to see what she was going to say. Her answer? A Blue Mermaid! Hmmmmm. I wondered how I was going to pull that off.

We drove home and when Dad unloaded the van, he pulled out a bag of clothes that someone had given us earlier in the week. I assumed it was regular clothing but it was actually a bag of fun costume pieces. Guess what was inside? A Mermaid costume. It was purple instead of blue but she was thrilled just the same! And...she got her wish to be a mermaid. If I could only have faith like that!!! The next night, I went with a friend to find maternity clothes and one of the stores had all of their costumes 50% off. I got the matching infant mermaid costume for $9. Gotta love that!

My Girls

These are my girls! God has definitely blessed me with two beautiful little ones. I am amazed daily by these two. Mackenzie loves her little sister and wants to hold her often. I hope they grow up to be the closest friends!

This is my "Curly Girl." Every where we go, total strangers touch her hair. Look at that fabulous smile! Doesn't it warm your heart? Did you ever read that poem about the little girl with the curl? Here it is:
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good
She was very, very good!
But when she was bad, she was terrible.

This describes my Mackenzie. She is the most loving child you will ever want to meet. She can turn on the charm like no other (she gets that from Daddy). She has a laugh that can melt your heart. She is incredibly smart...and more strong willed than I ever thought possible. She has sent me crying on more than one occasion. And...it is this beautiful laugh that has spared her a few swats when I wanted to hang her from the ceiling fan.

Natalie is my breath of fresh air. She is always happy, always smiling. When I am feeling sad, frustrated or worried, I can count on her to give me a smile that says everything will be okay. She turned 4 months old yesterday and has been sleeping through the night for over a month. She hasn't woken in the night even one time since then. I feed her at 8:00, kiss her goodnight and lay her in the crib. She just smiles at me and drifts off to dreamland. Somewhere around 7:30 or 8:00 in the morning, I hear her sucking her thumb furiously and I know she is hungry. Doesn't she have the most beautiful eyes?

Thank you Lord for my two precious girls!

The Million $$$ haircut!

I know perhaps it sounds a little vain but I have always loved my hair. Even if I was having a fat day, my hair was there to cheer me up. Just enough natural curl to hold curls when I style it and yet I could wear it straight and long if I wanted to. I have had short hair a few times but mostly wear it shoulder length or longer. Until I was in my middle 20's, the color was terrific. Lots of natural blonde highlights that were God given. Later in my 20's, my hair started getting darker but still had many highlights. One stylist even argued with me that I had put hightlights in my hair and was lying to her. Now that my 40th birthday is only 5 days away, the color is, well, not what I would like it to be. It is this dull brown color with more gray roots than I care to admit. I might mention that gray roots don't color well!

I seem to pick hair stylists with drama. I do think they would qualify for the reality television show (despite the fact that I have no idea what the name of it is)! I had one who did a great job for a while and then she started having husband/health/child issues. The last time she cut my hair, she was crying and telling me her latest life story. I should have grabbed the scissors right then and walked out. But no...I let her continue to cut away (literally) until my hair was an uneven mess. My husband swears he will commit me if I ever allow her near my hair again.

Next came the person who repaired the damage of the stylist just mentioned. I was shocked when she told me she had to take another inch off just to even it up. To say that looking in the mirror was traumatizing was an understatement. To try to fix it, I thought perhaps a few blonde highlights would help. I guess when you don't have much hair, your hair must take highlights well because it was REALLY blonde. I looked entirely different. You can imagine what that looked like growing out! With this stylist, I have experimented with color to find something that might work. The first time she tried a strawberry blonde, it washed out in a few weeks. There was money well spent! We tried more red and that color looked pretty good. The next time, she thought more would be better and I left looking like Lucille Ball! Right before Natalie was born, she decided we would try "something close to my natural color." It might have looked natural if I was a cow but the brown wasn't natural at all. Okay...that would be the last time she colored it.

My dear friend Donna and I took a trip to Sally's Beauty Supply and found the perfect color quite by accident. $8 later, I was well pleased. The biggest reason I had Donna help me is that she does her own hair and it always looks stunning. And...I just can't afford to spend $130 on color and highlights every 6 weeks. Thank you Donna!

However, when I went back to the stylist to get my hair trimmed, she was quite unhappy that I hadn't used her for color. While she SAID she understood that I just didn't have the money, the hair cut I got that day said otherwise. I came home and told Stephen I just wasn't sure what to do. So, I did nothing until last Friday.

Mackenzie has the most gorgeous head of soft, ringlet curls you can imagine. Every where we go, people touch her hair. She won't keep a barrette it in for longer than 2 minutes so I have been having her bangs cut so she won't eat her hair. Yes, she really was chewing on it while watching television. What a great Mom I am! Anyway, when I called last week to see if there was an appointment, I thought I would also try to have my hair cut by this young stylist.

This cut was perhaps one of the best haircuts I have ever gotten. She washed my hair and deep conditioned it while telling me that the product I am using wasn't giving my hair enough moisture. I had suspected this anyway so I was happy she agreed with my thoughts. She also spent some time looking at my face and my hair to determine what kind of cut and length would be good for me. She then spent over a half hour meticulously cutting my hair. I watched in awe though the mirror. She did a great job. Of course, that would really be determined when I tried to style it myself.

That day, it was raining so I had to add a few curls before I left for a meeting. I decided to flip it up and it looked adorable. The next day, I washed and styled it on my own. It still looked good. Today, I did a 2 minute blow dry so it wasn't dripping wet, added some hair spray and ran out the door. While it certainly didn't look fabulous, it looked good for the 2 minutes I spent on it. I didn't feel embarrassed to go out in public. She had done a great job.

And then...the bill! When she told me it would be $60 for my haircut, I almost choked. Who pays that kind of money on a haircut? I don't have that kind of money. Unbelievable. I knew I had to add a tip but I can tell you I hesitated. That would make it $70. Not to be totally embarrassed, I took some money out of my wallet and paid for it. With Mackenzie's haircut ($20 + tip) we spent over $90. My husband had worked the entire Saturday night before helping a guy who gave him a $100 bill. I was supposed to put it into the bank. When he came home a few days later, he asked me if I had deposited the money yet. Everything in me wanted to tell a big FAT lie. "I lost the money, honey." Instead, I took a gulp and told him I was really embarrassed about what had happened. I told him the truth...very slowly, with lots of emphasis on what a great haircut we both had. He kind of looked ill but didn't chastise me.

Sooooo...I started this entry on September 23 but didn't post it. It is now October 29th. I have to admit I have had more compliments on my hair in the last month than in the past two years combined. I have had great hair days every day. Okay, maybe not the days I choose to be lazy and put it in a clippy, but almost every day. I am REALLY happy with the cut. Now I just have to figure out where I can get a part time job to pay for it again. Hmmmmmmmmm.

Poop

I have decided that if you are a mother with a blog spot and there isn't one about poop that you can't be legit. Here is the email I sent to my husband this afternoon:

Some days I look at the clock and wonder where the entire day went when there is no evidence that I have done anything. Then...I look at the last hour. Here are the details:

2:01 Pull into the driveway after being gone half the day to a doctor's appointment. Mackenzie fell asleep right at the entrance to our neighborhood. Can't understand why. She woke me up at 5:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Pray to God that she stays sleeping while I carry her in.

2:02 Out of the car carrying load one...stuff. The diaper bag. Toys for Mackenzie. The remnants of our nutritious Sonic lunch. Open the house door, turn off the alarm and set all the stuff in the house. Go into our bedroom and take the pillows off the bed so I will have someplace to lay the, hopefully, sleeping child.

2:05 Back to the car to get load two...Mackenzie. Thankfully, she stays asleep when I lay her on the bed. Out to the living room to get a blanket.

2:07 Back to the car to get load three...Natalie. She was sleeping and now gives me the biggest toothless grin. Of course she isn't going to stay asleep too. That would be too lucky! I get her in the house and take her out of the car seat. We go upstairs to check emails. I lay her on the play mat and get one email typed (to you). Then, she starts screaming so I pick her up and try to comfort her. That only works for a short time.

2:25 I give up trying to calm Natalie down by holding her and give her the boob. It works only briefly and she is still fussing.

2:32 Take Natalie into the bedroom to see if I can rock her to sleep. Hmmmm. This seems to be working. She is almost asleep. If I am lucky, I can take a quick nap too. Perhaps I can add a few minutes to the big 5 hours of sleep I got last night.

2:40 Out of this little body comes this horrific fart. She gets this from her father. It even scares the cat. So much for sleep because she just loaded her diaper. I put her on the bed and change it.

2:45 Back in the rocking chair.

2:55 She is almost asleep so I get up and put her in the crib. I just about make it to the door and she squeals. I stop in my tracks. Then...another horrific fart and another full diaper.

2:56 Since she is already in the crib, I decide to change her there. I can't believe how much poop this little child can emit. Unbelievable! I put another diaper under her....

2:58 UGH! GROSS! DISGUSTING! She PROJECTILE pooped while I had her legs up tryig to wipe her! Across the crib and onto the floor. How is that even possible? There is now a yellow, mustard like substance all over the crib. On the white overlay, the sheet underneath, the mattress pad and the crib bumper. I try to get her wiped on the only few inches of the sheet remaining without poop. I put her on the bed to go fetch another diaper (the new one was ruined too) and pray that she doesn't go again while I am getting it.

3:10 She is now in a clean diaper with her pants on. I totally strip the crib while she watches me. Her thumb is in her mouth and she is cooing. I just know this is her way of laughing at me.

3:15 I am on the floor now cleaning up more poop and thanking God that somehow she missed me even though I was in the direct line of fire. And then I hear it...

3:16 Another horrific fart. Another full diaper. I look around the room and wonder if I am on that new television show that is similar to Candid Camera. Someone is having a great laugh at my expense. I am sure of it.

3:18 We are now on diaper #4 in less than an hour. Now, Natalie is WIDE awake. No afternoon nap for her...or me and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I am so tired they are burning.

3:23 Begin typing an email to hubby and father of the incredible pooping child.

The Diet Begins...

Hubby and I engaged in a very sick activity this morning. We decided to take some "Before" pictures and begin a diet. I warned you! He actually went first which made my pain seem a little less, until I actually saw the pictures. I am not sure which grossed me out more...the big flab of fat that is now my post partem belly or the massive stretch marks across the big flab. During the picture taking process, I turned around and told him to get my back. UGH! Unbelievable! Ridiculous! I am not sure I even have the right words in my vocabulary to describe it. I can assure you that I could easily be a contender on Extreme Makeovers right now. Of course, they would tell me that I had to lose weight before they could liposuction my jelly belly. Of course, on the Extreme Makeover show I would get a personal trainer, a personal chef (to cook all that asparagus they eat) and my entire calendar freed up to spend the next two months running like a hamster on a treadmill. Do you ever wonder how those people get 8 weeks off from work and still pay the bills?

There was a time in my life that I was going to be svelte by my 40th birthday. Since that is only 25 days away, I am thinking probably not! Well...maybe if I stopped eating entirely and spent 12 hours a day on the treadmill I could accomplish that. Wait...maybe I would be dead first. So, I guess I will have to lose weight the sensible, painstakeingly slow way. The worst part is that right now, I am under doctor's orders not to exercise. That has always been my motivator not to engage in wrong eating in the past. I guess those lovely pictures will have to be my new motivator! The brand new treadmill we bought will either sit there silent or run under hubby's feet.

I have this little book that I started recording my weight, measurements and dieting adventures in after one of my miscarriages. In 2001, I was (ready for this?) 36 inches smaller overall than I am right now. The sad part is that I still weighed 5 more pounds than when I married Stephen just 9 years ago. I remember when I weighed 110 pounds and thought I was fat. What was I thinking?

So...my goals in order are:
1) To begin a plan of eating that is healthy
2) To begin exercising daily when I am allowed to start
3) To lose 10% of my current weight (this is a weight watchers goal).
If I have to pick a number on the scale of where I would like to be, I would say 130. When I get there, I will work on those last 10 pounds. Right now, that seems overwhelming to me to even think about how much I have to lose to get there...so I won't!

I am off to eat carrot sticks!

All About Pregnancy

When I was about 5 months pregnant with Natalie, someone asked what being pregnant was like. Here is my response:

Let's see. First, the nausea begins. The smell of food you normally love sends you running...hopefully, only to get away and not to your new porcelain friend. And, speaking of smell, you nose is suddenly more sensitive than a tracking dog. You can smell the person two cars in front of you having a cigarette. Because your body is trying to function at its optimum, you begin to eliminate more...meaning, you will soon know the location of every woman's room within a 20 mile radius of your house. Another fun aspect of pregnancy is the sheer exhaustion. You will begin to wonder if you can stay awake until 8:00PM to see your favorite show. You may take naps in your car during work breaks because you just can't keep your eyes open one more minute. Within a few weeks, your chest is so tender you want to cry. Sometimes, even putting on a bra is misery. And, they begin to grow and grow and grow. You will have cleavage you only ever dreamed about!

Once you get over the morning sickness...which sometimes lasts all day, you start to feel hungry. Although you have never raided the fridge in the middle of the night before, you will quickly learn how to make it to the kitchen in the middle of the night, eat, and get back into bed without waking the husband. Eventually, the growing baby, and the eating will take its toll on your body and you begin spouting a little belly. Of course, no one will be able to tell you are pregnant yet so people will just assume you have been eating more (and you have!). Buying bigger sizes works for a little while and so does raiding the hubby's closet. Soon, you will need to make a trip to the maternity store. This is LOTS of fun. Assuming they have the styles you like, you have to also find out what fits. You can try on 50 things and walk out with one shirt. It is enough to make you cry.

Crying. That is another subject. Your emotions are now on the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. Things that should be happy for you make you cry. Things that never bothered you in the past will be cause for World War III. Of course, there is much happiness knowing that you are growing this little life inside and you try to justify that all the crazy emotions will be worth it in the end...and they are!

At about 16-18 weeks, you will begin to feel some fluttering in your tummy. It is kind of like the feeling you had as a little kid riding through the hills in the car. Eventually, this gives way to a stronger movement and you realize that is the baby kicking. This will cause real tears of joy! Over the rest of the pregnancy, you will feel much movement and it somehow connects you to your baby in a really neat way. Of course, the baby connects with all your inner body parts too...and that isn't always the most comfortable feeling. Trying to get the baby to move out from under your ribs so you can breathe can be a major feat! But, it is fun to watch your belly roll around and occasionally, you can see a foot or arm protruding. Very cool!

Throughout the pregnancy, you may have other weird symptoms. Lack of sleeping. Funny bodily smells. Heartburn that takes your breathe away. People who touch your belly for no apparent reason. Strangers that ask personal questions and give you advice as if they have known you all your life. Smiles from almost everyone you pass. Life is good!

Around the second trimester, you will start to feel obsessed about getting things done. Closets that you never dared to open will need to be organized. You will be on ladders deep cleaning areas of your house that you previously ignored. But, since the second trimester is the best for energy levels, emotions and well being, enjoy those nesting feelings and get it all done while you can!

You also have constant questions. Is this normal? Is everything okay? Will my baby love me? Can I be a good parent? How will I know what to do? Will the baby breast feed? All the security you have ever know will suddenly be in doubt over an 8 pound little being.

As you go through all of this, you have lots of doctor's visits. They make you step on the scale every time so you can watch the numbers get higher and higher. You have to manuever this little tiny cup around your big belly and into your urine stream. They prick your finger and occasionally make you drink sickening sweet orange syrup while trying not to throw up. And later in the pregnancy, the doctor sticks his/her entire arm inside of you to see how things are progressing. All of this to make sure you aren't having any physical problems and the baby is doing okay. The fun side of the doctor's visits are that you get to hear the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler machine and occasionally get a little wave during the ultrasounds.

Somewhere in the 9th month, you decide that you have had enough fun. Everything you do is a major effort and you would really like this pregnancy thing to be over. So, you walk a lot and try every crazy wives tale to see if it will make you go into labor. You even get the hubby involved because somewhere you read that sperm can cause labor. After you spend 1/2 hour trying to find a position, you realize that you are just going to have to wait until the baby is ready to appear.

Then, labor begins. If you are lucky, you begin having contractions that are spaced far apart. Contractions feel like someone has a belt around your belly and are pulling it tight for a minute or two. They release it and you continue through that cycle as the belt tightens closer and closer together each time. When your water breaks, it feels like you just had an accident in your pants. Am I peeing or is that my water? Inquiring minds want to know! Hopefully, labor is short and painless. Although if it is not, you can opt for good drugs to make you feel better.

And, after about 260 days of pregnancy, they hand you the smallest thing you have ever seen. You are amazed that this baby came from your body just seconds ago. You feel a love that you never knew you could. Everything in you begins to formulate the protection instincts of a mother bear. This is your baby. Your life. Your love. And, it was all worth it.

Now...go buy three books. "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" is a positive book that tells you each week what is happening in your body and with the baby. "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" tell you all the things doctor's never will and will keep you laughing when you want to cry. "The Pregnancy Journal" is a daily account of what is happening with the baby (like when the fingernails grow, etc.), gives advice on pregnancy and has lots of space for you to record all the details about your pregnancy. Good luck!